Roger Montgomery ã
Be it hereby known that the individual herein named has been diagnosed as suffering from
an incurable disease commonly known as coonlitis.
While condition is incurable, it may be successfully treated. It usually occurs in late summer to early fall and
sometimes lasts into the winter.
Symptoms are a lack of interest in work, frequent staring into space, incessant talk of
coon hunting, being in the woods, fall season, fresh air, good food, and good living.
While little is known of this phenomenon, science is making great inroads into its
treatment.
Patient should be approached carefully at this time of year. Coonlitis is highly contagious and may be
contracted by a whole team of workers in a short time, especially red-neck types. Sometimes a group of workers may gather together
in one group. They are usually recognized by
the common interest in their symptoms. Also
their hunting apparel may be a dead give-a-way.
If you suspect a person you know may be suffering from Coonlitis, approach with caution. Be careful not to mention the weather, the time of
year, fall, hunting, outdoors, trees, leaves, food, coons, the sky, vacation time, or
anything else that may trigger off a recurrence of the symptoms.
Above named individual may spend time daydreaming, looking out the window, cleaning guns,
talking about dogs, reading (especially hunting magazines), and walking in the woods.
Due to the extreme seriousness of the condition, I consulted with my esteemed colleague,
Dr. Doo Little, and he concurs, especially after determining that individual has started
barking at work (and bit the mailman).
My recommendation for treatment is a nice vacation in the fall of at least two weeks
duration. Individual should respond to
treatment immediately. If individual gets a
nice coon, recovery should be even faster. If
above treatment is successful, please call me at once.
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Dr. Coon Fellow
PS The following individuals have volunteered
to assist with treatment
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